[ Nate just holds him like that for a minute, until his arms start to get tired, and then he leans back to look at him properly. It's a question he wishes he had a better answer for. It'll be a bit more coherent than when it spilled out to Nick, but not by much.
He shakes his head. ]
I don't know. Years? Lots of years, there wasn't any way to keep track, I...
[ Nate glances behind them, and without a thought, waves his hand at one of the benches. It turns into a comfortable sofa. ]
[ There's something in Caleb that doesn't want to let go. Just wanting to keep him close. Logically he knew it was most likely Nate would return but that didn't mean there hadn't been a fear it was the last time he'd see him. This place made sure they felt that. Especially with as many as have seemed to vanish lately.
He wants to smile at that bit of magic, the sofa suddenly there for them, but those words are haunting him. Years. Lots of years.
His fingers curl to take Nate's hand as he moves closer.]
Whatever you're up for, Nate. Like I said, whatever you need.
[ He wants to know but he hasn't been through this and no idea how traumatic it could be. ]
[ Nate sits, drawing Caleb with him. He keeps hold of his hand, like an anchor point. That had helped with Nick. It still feels-- ]
It's...so when I woke up, I couldn't be sure that this place was real. I'm still not like a hundred percent, I...
[ He pauses, then shakes his head and goes back further. ]
No. I was with Anna, years ago. In London, in our place. She sensed something, some magic far away, but something dangerous. Evil.
I searched for it, with a spell, but it pulled me in. I was trapped in his realm, in a hell ruled over by a high demon, called Ineroth. He tortured me. I don't know how long that lasted, it's a blur. But in the end I got away from him, and I tried to teleport home, but I couldn't.
Instead I found out his realm was full of bubble dimensions, little...personal hells, made to measure for the souls he was keeping in them. He was consuming them. That's what he wanted to do to me, but I wasn't just a soul, I wasn't dead. So I was able to fight, and run, and in time I was able to free some of them. Not many. Most were too far gone, but some.
That's what...I thought this was, when I woke up. I'm honestly, I'm still not convinced that it's not. That this isn't some bubble prison made for me, full of people I love to make me want to stay and not go back. That's how he'd get me, that's exactly what he'd do.
[ Keeping Nate's hand, he slides the other arm around him. Pulling him into him, offering that warmth and comfort as he talks about what he's been through.
And feeling a sickness in his gut at that talk about not knowing if this is real or not. He wishes he had a way of reassuring him this is real but he knows he can't. All he can do is offer what he can. ]
I won't try and convince you it is because I can only imagine how that would sound. So what I'm going to tell you is to watch for the signs since you've obviously figured it out before, and know that we're here for you. Nick and Chris and John and everyone else you've had. I'm here for you.
And I know that isn't enough probably, but all I can do is be here instead of trying to convince you otherwise. Because I know this is as real as its always been.
[ That's exactly what one of Ineroth's projections would say. Nate understands his own paranoia enough not to say that aloud. Ultimately, Caleb is right. He knows the signs. He's just going to have to get to a point of belief, somehow. Either he'll feel convinced this is real, or he won't. ]
They're all still here, then. I know Nick said I was gone two weeks, it's just...
[ He shakes his head, and a disbelieving smile spreads across his face. ]
It feels so impossible.
I went to so many bubbles, so many worlds, that I started tracking them here.
[ He shows Caleb his left arm, covered in a full sleeve of little circle tattoos. ]
It's a map. Each circle is a bubble, a way for me to track how they related to each other and know where I'd been. I must've gone through ten of them before I started doing it. And Duplicity...
[ He lifts his other arm and points out the solitary circle there, sitting alone. ]
It's unconnected. But it's still...
It's so hard to believe that it's over. I tried for so long to get out. I know I don't look it, time never passed there. I never got cold, or tired or hungry. It wasn't normal. Life was about trying. And if it's really happened now, then...fuck me, because I need to go back.
[ He rests his hands in his lap. ]
I found someone, eventually. Another soul. Someone alive, like me. He was more than any of the other captives. He was able to come with me, work with me. His name's Thorn. And when...when I left, right before I got here, Ineroth found us and consumed him and I could...feel Thorn pushing me with the last of his magic. And then I woke up here.
So now I'm here and he's just...just taken, and I can't help him and I have to get back to save him, Caleb. I can't leave it like that.
[Caleb stays quiet and he listens. Not just listened but tried to comprehend. Hearing the things that Nate says and the things he isn't saying. How he says them. Being there for him in any way he can because he knows Nate needs this, and he wants to offer what he can. ]
It was two weeks for us, but you know that doesn't relate to how long you were gone there. Given the type of magic you're taking, these bubble worlds.
[ He moves his fingers over them, not quite touching the skin as if concerned what magic it might be capable for him to activate. ]
We have no way of knowing how long it was for you.
As for Thorn and here...
[ He holds Nate close to him, offering the comfort and strength that he can. ]
Maybe his magic with yours gave you the push you needed to get here and away from where you were trapped. You say you felt him after he was... consumed? Even then you felt him give you that. Which means there's a chance he helped you find your way out. So now you find your way back on your own terms.
[ He's not sure how, and especially not from here given how they've tried and failed but Caleb doesn't accept that.
He's quiet though when he speaks again. Trying to keep his voice steady despite the tears that sting his eyes and knot in his throat.]
I... I can't be sorry you're here, if only so that when you find your way back we can at least say goodbye if we have to but I'm sorry you lost him.
[ Nate leans against Caleb. He feels like there's so much to unpack, and not nearly enough time to do it. For a moment, he lets his eyes close, and he just settles against his boyfriend's broad chest. He has sharp memories of leaning against Thorn just like this, the two of them burrowed together while they hid from Ineroth.
It was only yesterday. A different world. A different Nate. ]
No goodbyes, Caleb.
[ He opens his eyes again, looking up. ]
I can't lose you all again. You, Nick, John. You all mean far too much to me. I can't lose those memories. That has to be our priority. We've got to remember each other when we lose this place, because we will lose it, eventually. Getting out was never the challenge. Remembering all of this, is.
I need to go back, I need to try and save Thorn. But I can't do that and lose all of you, I'm too selfish. I need it all.
[ Those words shouldn't be the most bracing thing he hears but they are, in truth, exactly what he needs to hear in that moment. He needs to know that he feels the same way that Caleb does. Still. Even after however long its been for him. ]
Good. I'm glad you feel the same as I do.
[ He shifts to face Nate fully, moving to cup his face with one hand and leaning in to kiss him tenderly. ]
Then that's our focus now. We'll find a way to get out with our memories, to find Thorn, to get your freedom from those other worlds. You know me, Nate. I will always stand here beside you, lend my strength and have your back.
no subject
You can always have this, Nate. For as long as we can.
[Pressing a kiss to his temple and then to the shell of his ear.]
How... how long?
[ Not much looks different but those words speak volumes.]
no subject
He shakes his head. ]
I don't know. Years? Lots of years, there wasn't any way to keep track, I...
[ Nate glances behind them, and without a thought, waves his hand at one of the benches. It turns into a comfortable sofa. ]
Let's sit? It's a weird story.
no subject
He wants to smile at that bit of magic, the sofa suddenly there for them, but those words are haunting him. Years. Lots of years.
His fingers curl to take Nate's hand as he moves closer.]
Whatever you're up for, Nate. Like I said, whatever you need.
[ He wants to know but he hasn't been through this and no idea how traumatic it could be. ]
no subject
It's...so when I woke up, I couldn't be sure that this place was real. I'm still not like a hundred percent, I...
[ He pauses, then shakes his head and goes back further. ]
No. I was with Anna, years ago. In London, in our place. She sensed something, some magic far away, but something dangerous. Evil.
I searched for it, with a spell, but it pulled me in. I was trapped in his realm, in a hell ruled over by a high demon, called Ineroth. He tortured me. I don't know how long that lasted, it's a blur. But in the end I got away from him, and I tried to teleport home, but I couldn't.
Instead I found out his realm was full of bubble dimensions, little...personal hells, made to measure for the souls he was keeping in them. He was consuming them. That's what he wanted to do to me, but I wasn't just a soul, I wasn't dead. So I was able to fight, and run, and in time I was able to free some of them. Not many. Most were too far gone, but some.
That's what...I thought this was, when I woke up. I'm honestly, I'm still not convinced that it's not. That this isn't some bubble prison made for me, full of people I love to make me want to stay and not go back. That's how he'd get me, that's exactly what he'd do.
no subject
And feeling a sickness in his gut at that talk about not knowing if this is real or not. He wishes he had a way of reassuring him this is real but he knows he can't. All he can do is offer what he can. ]
I won't try and convince you it is because I can only imagine how that would sound. So what I'm going to tell you is to watch for the signs since you've obviously figured it out before, and know that we're here for you. Nick and Chris and John and everyone else you've had. I'm here for you.
And I know that isn't enough probably, but all I can do is be here instead of trying to convince you otherwise. Because I know this is as real as its always been.
no subject
They're all still here, then. I know Nick said I was gone two weeks, it's just...
[ He shakes his head, and a disbelieving smile spreads across his face. ]
It feels so impossible.
I went to so many bubbles, so many worlds, that I started tracking them here.
[ He shows Caleb his left arm, covered in a full sleeve of little circle tattoos. ]
It's a map. Each circle is a bubble, a way for me to track how they related to each other and know where I'd been. I must've gone through ten of them before I started doing it. And Duplicity...
[ He lifts his other arm and points out the solitary circle there, sitting alone. ]
It's unconnected. But it's still...
It's so hard to believe that it's over. I tried for so long to get out. I know I don't look it, time never passed there. I never got cold, or tired or hungry. It wasn't normal. Life was about trying. And if it's really happened now, then...fuck me, because I need to go back.
[ He rests his hands in his lap. ]
I found someone, eventually. Another soul. Someone alive, like me. He was more than any of the other captives. He was able to come with me, work with me. His name's Thorn. And when...when I left, right before I got here, Ineroth found us and consumed him and I could...feel Thorn pushing me with the last of his magic. And then I woke up here.
So now I'm here and he's just...just taken, and I can't help him and I have to get back to save him, Caleb. I can't leave it like that.
no subject
It was two weeks for us, but you know that doesn't relate to how long you were gone there. Given the type of magic you're taking, these bubble worlds.
[ He moves his fingers over them, not quite touching the skin as if concerned what magic it might be capable for him to activate. ]
We have no way of knowing how long it was for you.
As for Thorn and here...
[ He holds Nate close to him, offering the comfort and strength that he can. ]
Maybe his magic with yours gave you the push you needed to get here and away from where you were trapped. You say you felt him after he was... consumed? Even then you felt him give you that. Which means there's a chance he helped you find your way out. So now you find your way back on your own terms.
[ He's not sure how, and especially not from here given how they've tried and failed but Caleb doesn't accept that.
He's quiet though when he speaks again. Trying to keep his voice steady despite the tears that sting his eyes and knot in his throat.]
I... I can't be sorry you're here, if only so that when you find your way back we can at least say goodbye if we have to but I'm sorry you lost him.
no subject
It was only yesterday. A different world. A different Nate. ]
No goodbyes, Caleb.
[ He opens his eyes again, looking up. ]
I can't lose you all again. You, Nick, John. You all mean far too much to me. I can't lose those memories. That has to be our priority. We've got to remember each other when we lose this place, because we will lose it, eventually. Getting out was never the challenge. Remembering all of this, is.
I need to go back, I need to try and save Thorn. But I can't do that and lose all of you, I'm too selfish. I need it all.
no subject
Good. I'm glad you feel the same as I do.
[ He shifts to face Nate fully, moving to cup his face with one hand and leaning in to kiss him tenderly. ]
Then that's our focus now. We'll find a way to get out with our memories, to find Thorn, to get your freedom from those other worlds. You know me, Nate. I will always stand here beside you, lend my strength and have your back.
Always.