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good report back
i don’t want you losing your beauty sleep
not that you need it

like a month ago i talked with someone here who said he thinks we’re spiritual copies of ourselves and i know jon has a similar theory in his notes that’s come up, something to do with digital copies that i don’t get but i know it’s got the same line

so that existential thought aside, if we’re just copies does that mean we don’t need to worry about the things our actual or original selves are worried about?

Oh I will. Trust me.

Promise I'll get sleep.
Likely on you.
At work.

I admit, I've entertained the same thought myself. Cloning or the like.

But honestly, if that is the case? I agree with that sentiment.
If it's true, then their worries don't have to be ours. It's not something you should worry about.

Or any of the time we're here. There's nothing we can do back home, and we supposedly won't remember here back home so why worry over it?

you can always sleep on me maybe i’ll sleep too. nap time or something

i’d be inclined to agree with you
except i don’t know. i made a decision to stop bar brawling here but not at home, but shortly after going home i made that same decision. it might have been a coincidence but maybe it wasn’t?

there’s a big decision coming up for me back home and it’s been weighing on me
but i don’t know if i should let it? i also have enough shite going on here that extra problems don’t seem worth it
but then i have bad dreams about it and i don't know again.

You would slip off and have nap time with me?
I am taking advantage of this.

Could it be that it's part of the nature of the man you are and how you change as you deal with life and maturity?

Is there anything you can do about that decision that you can do anything about here? Does that decision changes your life here?

Nightmares aside, and I'm sorry you're having them and if you need me ask for me to be there or come to find me, you have to think about this place and if the decision changes nothing here, then don't hold on to it.

one day only offer so act fast

might be, could very well just have been a shifting in priority. here it was cause fes was upset with me when i did, there it was cause i needed to step into my role as ardri more and rulers bar brawling is a bad look

no, it doesn't. bane's not here and the only nightmares of him i have are ones made of my own thoughts, not placed there. he's no effect on my life right now beyond the space he takes up in my mind

Oh trust me. I'm taking advantage of this soon.

I think we always make choices based on those we care about, what matters the most. Whether here or back home. Just sometimes why we make the decisions we do are based on how things are.

If there is nothing about that decision you can do anything about here, why let it weigh on you? Even if we can find a way to leave and keep our memories, until you get back there, it doesn't change what you have here.

Because I don't know that I have a choice. He haunts my dreams and memories whether I chose to focus on him or not. So, not thinking on it only lasts so long. Then, when I do, I'm reminded it's waiting for me if I'm ever kicked back out of here.

I'm not sure how to turn it off.

What about magic? Maybe we can find a magical means of blocking him from your memory? At least for a time, until you return home? When you return home?

If someone offered to magically block your memory of your first dominant here, would you take it?

What about of that boy you mentioned once? The one you had to fight?

I don't know. It's hard sometimes with this place enforcing how he and another made me feel. The echoes of being nothing more than property to two people I cared about? Maybe.

But I also don't know your relationship with this man either. Or what it's hurting you or holding you back from in this world.

Perhaps a bad example then, you've right to your thoughts on it. Though, if you wanted it gone, I think there's a place that does stuff like that in Insincerity.

Bane was my first god. I served him for 8.5 years. He was not kind. I know his influence has only worsened my control issues and probably instilled a number of others I've not bothered to examine.

But that's my point I guess: he's a hurt, but it's not a hurt I know how to live without. Plus, I started following him around the same time I shed my skirts and figured out who Chris was, so I really don't know if there's actually a me without him.

[...]

don't mind me. all that dramatically to say I'm not sure picking my thoughts and fears of him out will help me any here.

I don't trust the powers of this place to do anything like that. I know I don't have to worry about any of that anymore. I have Nate, and I am more secure in myself and this place now.

I will mind you, Chris. I'm here for you and I ask these things because I care.

As for the rest... We don't know we won't one day find a way out of here without them stripping us of our memories. So maybe start working on those things here in case it can help you there if and when the time comes?

Then maybe it won't haunt you as much?

Fair enough, not sure I trust them full either.

Yeah. Maybe. I can see both sides of the argument. I wish I could simply put it aside, but maybe if I resolve it now in me, that will grant some peace in the meantime, whether I go home again or not.

Thank you, love

I have my reasons to want to be here too, but that doesn't mean I trust them.

Figure it out. Know then that your mind will work it out again. Because I do trust you'll work it out.

Any time, Chris. I love you and I'm here for you.

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