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[Caleb hasn't talked about it much since he'd left the place he'd thought for a time might become his home in this place. It's definitely a risk in this place to throw himself out on the streets, to take the chance that he'll end up in jail but it was one he had to take.

So when they're seated, toying with things though he's glad for the meal. More than that, glad for the money he'd saved in the couple of months so that he's not entirely stuck in the Down and what's given to them.

He makes a face at that, nodding though.]

It's for the best? Which sounds lame but it's true. We wanted different things from one another, and I hope they find the right person for them.

How have you been? Is everything okay?

[ Oh dear Lord, that is a difficult question to answer. Yes, he is okay and has been fine, but- ]

I contracted with Anders as did Alec, then his significant other arrived and was also contracted by Anders. We've moved from public housing recently. Someone from my future arrived, brought terrible news, struggled badly and then left again.

I am fine, but it has been... chaotic.

[ And that's leaving out all of it the Duplicity related nonsense.

Alaric is, however, going to pick up that tab without a word of intention to do so. Between he, Anders, and Hawke all working multiple jobs-- Even with the house they are all right. ]

[Caleb is attentive, glad to hear about what has happened for Alaric since they met and since they last saw one another. Glad to hear things sound good, though when he speaks about this person from home coming here and then vanishing, he makes a face.

Frowning heavily as he shakes his head.]

I had kind of the same thing happen. Someone I knew from home was here for a couple of months and then one night they vanished. I worry because of things that changed him here and worrying how they changed him back home as well.

[He pauses and then asks softly.]

How bad was the news from home?

[ He smiles, wryly. ]

Kelson's lack of adjustment to being here, I hope, will prevent him being much changed when he returns home. He is so far from my future, though, I cannot begin to grasp what repercussions would be.

I'm simply glad he is no longer here, and miserable.

[ He toys with his glass, considering the harder question and drinks from it before he answers, then shrugs.]

Someone I was supposed to protect and... close to was killed.

[He looks upset, worried about what that could mean. It didn't effect his life that much but for Alaric it could be something else entirely and he couldn't imagine having to live with that knowledge. ]

I'm sorry you're here and not with him, back in your life.

[He knows some want to stay here, but there's so much he can't understand about that and he can only imagine wanting out of here, even if not for their own home.

His expression drops.]

I am so sorry, Alaric. That's awful. Maybe knowing that, when you get back, you can fix it.

I hope so. I wish I'd gotten more detail.

[ He doesn't shrug so much as twitches, but it's not dismissive so much as determination to move on. ]

Either way I am not unhappy, here, overall, just frequently confused and overwhelmed. The freedom with magic and people have been nice.

Now what happened with your... significant other?

[Despite himself, Caleb can't help but smile a bit.]

It is the one thing about this place that is amazing. People know I'm a witch, and I use in front of others. It's so new and so odd.

It really is the one thing I would hate to give up.

[He falls quiet, considering how to explain it without too much, without sounding horrible or angry about it. He just couldn't keep handling it, that's all.]

We wanted different things. He expected things from me that I wasn't comfortable giving to him. I need to be myself and not feel like property to someone else. I know this place says I am but certain expectations were just not part of it.

[ His expression turns from interested and mild to quietly horrified to concerned before returning to something largely neutral. ]

I'm sorry, Caleb. It shouldn't have had to come to that. You aren't property, no matter what the city has to say.

Are you- [ Nope, no way to ask those questions gracefully. He stops and tries again. ]

What do you need?

[Caleb sighs, sitting back as he nods]

Thank you for that. I think the worst part was when someone else drew away from me because I was my dominant's and it wasn't right to do what I wanted because they might not like it. That was hardest.

[He shakes his head.]

Close second was coping with anger for that hotel we got stuck in. Not that I planned on giving up my friends and lovers, but that... [He sighs.] I was just best I walked away.

A spot on the floor to crash from time to time if you have a spot. I'm not staying any one place twice in two weeks so I don't get anyone in trouble, but once I'm in the up I like staying there as long as I can so I don't have to fight the guards to get back.

You are not sleeping on the floor. We're all in a private house on the beach. You are welcome to my bed, either of the... couch like things, or the couch. You are also welcome to the food or anything else you need.

Where are you for quota?

[There are other things there that worry him - emotional ones - but getting things done on a practical level is more important to him in this moment. ]

[Despite some of their conversation, Caleb can't help but smile at that.]

Well, in fairness, I definitely don't mind sharing the bed. I can play nice.

[It's an easier talk though and it makes him feel more relaxed after talking about what had gone on.

Though he pauses at that, considering. He hadn't really had to worry about it, hadn't put thought into it but now he's wondering because he hasn't thought about it.]

I hadn't thought about it? Stupid I know but I haven't had to think about it before now. I think I'm okay?

[He chuckles slightly. ]

When things started getting like that I kind of got defiant and was definitely throwing myself at those I like. You're very lucky I haven't tonight.

[Then he's definitely grinning, relaxing more.]

You can behave yourself or not in my bed, as the mood strikes you, but I bite.

[ There's a flash of an easy grin at that, just for a moment. Caleb relaxing makes him feel better, though he knows he's still going to have to worry about Caleb staying safe and getting a contract that works.

Caleb is one of his, darn it, and if Alaric is nothing else he is loyal to the point of insanity. ]

I'll take comfort in those you like - both because it means it isn't self destructive and that it means you like me, but please, please be careful. Throwing yourself at people here sounds... dangerous.

I said play nice, not that I would behave. [This is things he's missed and needed more than he realized until this moment.] And I like biting.

[This is how things should feel and how they should have been all along.

And that care for him means more than he's sure he has words for. The teasing light fades, but only to something more fond as he stares at Alaric for a moment, just touched by his concern.]

I can't promise I've been as careful as I should be but I'll work on it. I can't argue that you're right and I've probably taken some risks. With my powers. With myself. I really... what happened hurt, and I've never been hurt like that before.

[ He makes a low noise but waits until food has been dropped off before he says anything else. Because there's a lot he wants to - or maybe it's just a lot of feeling? Either way. ]

I've spent most of my life in service to one man - or the position the man was in, I really am not sure. There are points I've felt more like a... trained attack dog than a person, but it was always my role and it fit within that.

I can only imagine the hurt of trusting someone enough to choose to be with them and being treated like a... possession.

Reckless in response to that makes sense to me, and you're certainly intelligent enough to... be aware and compensate now.

[Caleb is quiet as the food is set before them, knowing he's been working around restaurants depending on his mood. It's not that he doesn't have the money but that he gets tired of dealing with the clerks that won't let him buy things. He has no letter, no collar, no contract.

So he's fought with some, and learned the places that will give submissives less grief than others do. This though is nice, both the company and not having to worry about things as much as he has some days.

So he's quiet, listening, thinking about what someone he'd thought was a friend said to him, as well as what the person he cared about had said. It's odd and he isn't sure how to reconcile it, but he's working on it. Or so he likes to think.]

Is it a role you wanted? I know here we don't get choice in a lot of it but back home did you?

[He really hopes Alaric did, knowing that he deserved it.]

[ Alaric is surprised sometimes by how suffocating he finds being a submissive in Duplicity. He would have expected, based on what he's already told Caleb about his life and what he's going to, not to be bothered at all.

Turns out, he's accounted badly for both the way he served previously - and the fact that he had a certain amount of power, even if he was not well liked or trusted. This is getting old. Sometimes even people caring about and trying to protect him is too much just in how it is presented.

And that's with loving people he sincerely, deeply, cares about.

He smiles, tightly, at Caleb as though aware of the direction of caleb's thoughts (he is but only because he can guess), and picks up his fork. ]

At home it was... not about this sort of service or status. I was too young to remember when I was committed to act in magical service to the future king. When he became king and my father died, I moved into the castle, as a page. Then a knight. Ultimately as a Duke in full and general, but also as the key to unlock his own brand of magic and to protect him. I loved and love him. But there was never an option of not being deeply bound to him.

[Caleb knows that so much of this is culture shock. He's lived a life where he was privileged and the golden boy and he had been the leader and now he's a submissive, marked, and has already been told by that he was nothing but property. He's fighting it all tooth and nail, because he hasn't known any other answer but to try.

He's curious though about how others are handling it. Especially those he cares about, who are important to him, and for now he's just happy to see most of them doing so well. Their contracts are working for them and they seem to be doing well and that is what matters the most to him. He can cope with how bad things are on his side as long as they're okay.]

How young were you? You never had a say in that?

[Yet even as he asks, he thinks about how the moment Pogue had been born, Caleb had been told how he had to take care of him. Then the others. He had been told from the moment he was born they were born that it was his job to care for them, to keep them safe, to make sure they didn't die young. Was it any different? His money and status made him feel he was in a different place, but had he really been?]

I'm sorry, Alaric. You should have had more choice in your life than that. Your life here? Do you at least have as much say in things as this place lets you have?

[It's not as if he could change it but he would do whatever he could to fight for him if he could.]

[ He smiles slightly, tucks his hair behind his ears and then picks up his fork. ]

Three, I think, and don't be sorry; It isn't something that I actually have a problem with. I like, even love, Brion. He's been like family to me, and as for things here - I think I have more choice than most here, submissive or not.

[ He starts eating with a slightly pointed look, hoping that Caleb will do the same because he worries. ]

With Kelson gone it's... better. There is worrying about friends and concern about your sexually repressed, very Catholic, king.

[Caleb stares at him for the longest time because there's so much echoed there. He remembers being responsible for the others since he was old enough to remember. Three? Four? He has no idea but it was all his life.

He takes the hint though and starts eating. It's not that he doesn't have money for food, but that he tends to forget taking time to eat.

He chuckles softly at that last part though.]

Yeah, okay. That is different than you thinking I'm someone to worry about. And don't pretend you don't.

[He gestures at him with his fork between bites.]

I try to imagine the ones I had to be responsible for being in this place. They would be a mess. No, they would make a mess. Of everything.

[Yet he sounds so happy about it, so proud of them even as he misses them.]

[ He flashes a quick smile at the remark from Caleb about those he was responsible for -- or at least the tone it is said in. ]

I don't imagine I should much like to see someone here who would not make something of a mess in some ways. Making a mess of things I can almost approve of, done creatively or cleverly. Making a mess of themselves--

You're right, that is different.

[ Caleb was the former, mostly, Kelson the later. ]

[Caleb had lost sight of himself and what he wanted for a time. He'd let himself forget what he needed and instead tried to be who someone else wanted, and he's glad to be back to working on himself again.

And part of that is this. Time spent with those that matter to him, those that make him smile, and who he can just be himself with.]

What we're doing most of the time, right? Making a mess of their program. I couldn't imagine doing this any other way. Which is funny because I was never that guy before.

I should have been though. I would go back and redo so much about how we handle our powers and the covenant given the chance.

[In ways it feels no different. Being controlled and hiding parts of yourself. Especially if your nature doesn't match your designation.]

I don't understand, but I want to. Tell me how you did things - the program - and handled your powers, and what you would do differently.

[ He is so comfortable with Caleb that it feels strange to realize that he knows almost nothing. It feels less strange to realize how much he wants to. ]

[Caleb knows he is whining in a way because it can't be changed, even if he finds his way back to Ipswich.]

We were raised from when we were young being told we would have these powers but couldn't use them, how they would kill us. I wanted them but at the same time, I hated them. We lost a lot because of them, but I just played along and didn't try and find other ways around it.

[There's a lot more to it, details about what they hadn't done and what they should have done.]

Because of it I never looked deep into our history. Because of it another of us ended up with no help, and addicted. We could have changed a lot if we hadn't just accepted things as they were.

Why I'm glad so many here don't. We fight against the system, look into it all and we're here for one another.

[ He smiles in a slight way that's a bit sad and, truthfully, too old for his face. ]

I am still... incredibly uncomfortable here, and my magic - and mine alone - was never hidden, but rather put on display. I never hated it, but was taught from very young what a profound and dangerous responsibility it was.

My King... he hated himself and his abilities. I think he was convinced that he was going to hell - quite literally - for it. He pushed against the church, but he never quite believed it. It seems his son has done more to actively change things.

I'm not quite sure I like it, though I should.

And maybe I'm a little too comfortable with the system here, too. That, though, is much more easily changed.

Why only yours? If you're okay talking about it.

[It's only been a few months and he's gotten so open about talking magic and his abilities, but he can imagine that no matter how long someone is in this place and it might not be easy to talk about it.

He wants to learn more though about his friends and to be there for them as much as he can.]

Why should you like it? If you don't, that's what matters.

[He pauses for a moment, knowing some might not like what he's going to admit.]

I don't want to stay here forever, but I hate the idea of the things I'll lose without this place. Being free and open about magic.

And the people. Like you.

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